In the blink of an eye

After going on and on about how slowly things were progressing in previous posts, this one will seem very contradictory.  Ever since May 17th (the day I was admitted for PPROM), time has seemed to stand still.  All the nurses and doctors would tell us that some day, this would all seem like a blur - to which we would reply, uh I don't think so....but the mind has an amazing coping mechanism that allows us to somewhat forget how long it really has been, and the monotony of 5 months in the hospital.  Don't get me wrong, there are some details that are burned into my mind and heart forever - the look on Trent's face when he walked in that first day, Gabriel in a Ziplock bag after he was born, his little two pound body...But when you are at the end of an era (even if it did go s.l.o.w.l.y.), you look back on it and say, "Wow. That was five months ago?  Where did the time go?"

I am used to having my opinion respected - at work, at home, in my family.  I feel like the people around me think I know what I am talking about (for the most part).  In the NICU, however, even though they might ask my opinion on how Gabriel is doing, I need one of the nurses or NNPs to back me up in order to get things I want.  Example, I thought Gabriel was ready for "off the wall" oxygen flow (1 liter  100% oxygen).  Last Monday night, I heard Shari say the words I never thought I would hear - "I think Gabriel turned a corner this weekend.  He is ready."  Two days later, not only did he go to off the wall oxygen at 1 liter, he started breast feeding and took his first bottle on Wednesday night!  That is such a huge step!  After 84 days of tube feedings, he is cueing, rooting, suckling and ready to feed.  It was pretty awesome for me to see Trent feeding him for the very first time...it reminds me of a couple other "firsts" that Trent and Gabriel shared...

It's almost like I am afraid to say it, but THE END IS NEAR.  It is becoming more and more evident by the day.  On Sunday, Gabriel was decreased to half a liter of oxygen flow...then today he was turned turned down to 1/4th of a liter....although he was SO tired from that change he didn't wake up for any of his feedings.  It's like a balancing act....do they turn his oxygen down to try to get rid of it, or do they leave him some flow so that he can eat and grow?  Its hard to see him struggle because he is tired, so I am forced to be the overprotective mom and his forever-advocate.  Since his surgery (hernia and circumcision) will be Wednesday or Thursday, I am not interested in turning his flow down at this point....I want him to eat so I don't have to take him home on tube feedings!  I don't really think that is too much to ask.

In other news, Trent and I have almost had enough.  We are tired....tired of waking up at 4:30, tired of never being home, tired of the hospital....the repititiveness and monotony would bore Ferris Bueller's economics teacher.  I know we can make it as long as we have to, but every little thing is beginning to weigh on us.  At first it was fight or flight...we ran on instinct...adrenaline. Survival was the name of the game.  Now, its more like a marathon, and my attention span is more suited for a sprint.  I want to be done, and home, and taking care of my son in my own house!  Lord, give me patience.  We can make it....we just have to focus  just like we did in the beginning of bed rest....One day at a time.